Game Deck at the Santa Cruz Boardwalk: Beer Fail.
July 13, 2008 at 2:07 pm Filed in:food&drink No Comments
Game Deck at the Santa Cruz Boardwalk
400 Beach St
Santa Cruz, CA 95060
Water, so much like the air around us, is necessary to survival, and denial of access to water is like the denial of our very right to exist. However, although water should be free, we now must pay a price to exist, to drink the nectar which sustains our existence. As such, I propose a shift to a new way of thinking in which the cost of water is the baseline cost of all goods: the cost of water is now the cost of human existence. And should we choose to continue to exist, we have no choice but to bear the cost of that existence. Thusly, the cost of water is the neutral economic baseline from which our existence must arise.
As such, if water is neutral, this means that I can consider the $3 bottle of water at the Game Deck bar in the Neptune’s Kingdom gaming complex at the Santa Cruz Boardwalk to be the neutral baseline from which to judge the cost of all other goods (or at least all other water-containing beverages).
And if that $3 is the irrelevant baseline from which we must proceed , that means the $5 for a Bud Light really = $2… and the Red Hook and Anchor Steam, only 25 cents more ($5.25), really costs $2.25. And in my book, $2.25 isn’t bad for a draft beer.
Regardless of my ability to convince you of my new economic theory of Liquid Neutrality and its impact on the relative (or my ability to successfully rationalize away my paycheck on alcohol)… $5.25 ain’t that bad for a draft beer and a place to escape the throngs of strollers
and uncontrolled children running rampant on the boardwalk below. Especially if there’s pool, air hockey and foosball to go alongside, short lines for clean and staffed restrooms, and a stimulating game of put-put to follow.
Then why two stars?
No, it’s not because of the overabundance of nostalgia on the walls, touting the rich history of the boardwalk: touting the appearance of such jazz greats such as Benny Goodman and Artie Shaw, while today performers at the Boardwalk rank among the likes of Sha Na Na and Eddie Money.
No, it’s not even because of the excessive exhibition of FUPA and overuse spandex by my fellow clientele.
It’s because when I pay for an Anchor Steam, regardless if it’s $2.25 or $5.25, I WANT AN ANCHOR STEAM. I don’t know what that tap was hooked up to, but it wasn’t the hoppy goodness I’ve come to know and love from the folks of the ABC.
That is all.
Drop-dead gorgeous, Martini FAIL.
January 3, 2008 at 5:30 pm Filed in:food&drink No Comments
Jason’s At Gray’s Mill
211 N River St
Montgomery, IL 60538
(630) 801-1492
We all know those people who are absolutely drop-dead gorgeous from a distance, but when you get up close there’s just something missing… a tooth… intelligence… knowing how to pour a drink?
Jason’s is located in a gorgeous old stone building with a nice, historic interior, but at the bar, they served the WORST chocolate martini I’ve ever consumed (and before I learned the way of the gin and tonic, I consumed a lot of them). In the far western suburbs, for $8, I expect better than bottom shelf vodka. I expect to taste some chocolaty goodness. I DO NOT EXPECT HERSHEY’S CHOCOLATE SYRUP IN MY CHOCOLATE MARTINI.
And when I complain to the bartender, I expect you to make me a replacement sans the abrasive taste of the mass-produced chocolate syrup drizzled in the glass. I DO NOT EXPECT YOU TO TELL ME “WELL, THAT’S HOW WE MAKE THEM.”
Yes, the building is historic and beautifully maintained, and I’m sure it’s quite possible that the food is good, especially in comparison to other dining establishments in the area (e.g., Select Restaurant). But in my book, the arrogance of the bartender upon serving a vile drink combined with the “music” featured on a Saturday night (a bunch of high school kids having what sounded like a band rehearsal accompanied by the squealing glee of their girlfriends*) does not a classy experience make.
*Yes, they were indeed high schoolers. I knew one of their brothers.
Beware: chodes ahead.
September 3, 2007 at 2:02 pm Filed in:food&drink No Comments
If you or those with whom you associate enjoy Kells… you might be a douchebag. Or underage.
I went to this place once, and it is worse than a frat party. Crowded, sticky, noisy, filled with c-i-t* and the pungent aroma of all possible substances from excretion or emesis.
Unless… you know what? This place doesn’t even deserve the time it would take to write a review that is useful, funny, or cool.
If you value your personal space, sense of smell, or sense of dignity, don’t go to Kell’s.
*chodes-in-training